What Do I Do?

I've been a pastor for over 30 years—ouch! In that time I have needed and given three different types of care; pastoral care, mentoring and coaching. Sometimes I really mix these up and I'm not really sure it makes a lot of difference. But it is good to have some clarity at the start. If you are preparing for leadership or in the midst of it, having an understanding with those you are leading helps.

Pastoral care

I would define pastoral care as the practice of looking after a person (or group) and their spiritual, personal and social well-being. The primary responsibility of the pastor of a church is to see that this is done. Many people are membered in a church and never receive this kind of care. Unfortunately, many pastors never receive this kind of care either. One of the joys of my life, as a man, husband, father and pastor is that I have had this kind of care. My pastor would sit with me on a regular basis and love me by asking me about my finances, my relationship with my wife and kids (he also asked my wife about this occasionally, keeping me honest), my ministry/church, my physical well-being, and my personal spiritual life. After 27 years, our meetings are not as frequent but the topics are the same.

Mentoring

Mentoring is a process where a more experienced colleague is chosen to pass on a particular skill to a less experienced person (my definition). Note that this is not always "older to younger." There are times when a younger person may have a skill that someone older needs, and mentoring takes place. In our discussion mentoring could take place in the areas of preaching, writing, pastoral care, or any number of different areas. Usually this is for a limited, defined time.

Coaching

Coaching (again, my definition) is the providing of guidance, feedback, and direction in response to the one you are working with at the time. The second year I was in Brazil a friend gave me a scholarship for a ministry coach for one year. On a monthly basis we would have a one hour conversation reviewing what I was doing, giving me feedback and suggestions that were very helpful to my work in Brazil. The agendas of our meetings were established by me and he then helped me think through each item. I am still using some of the skills he passed on to me.

These three often overlap and we should not get hung up on keeping them too separate. They are all needed in our lives. I want to be mature in Christ and I want those whom I have primary care for to become mature in Christ. That is going to take more than one person, more than me. Let's rejoice when others are able to impart to those we are relating to more skills and maturity. It is one kingdom.

Feel free to add your comments, definitions and experience. Here are some questions to get the "juices" flowing.

•  How have you experienced these three methods of helping other people in your own life?
  
• Think through the people who have helped you grow. Pick one of them and explain how they imparted what they had to you.
• What was you understanding of “pastor” and how has it changed as you read through this chapter?

Strengths and Weaknesses

One of the primary issues we deal with has to do with our strengths and weakness. The “Peter Principle” states that “every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.” (The Peter Principle, Lawrence Peters, 1969) Phrasing it in my own words, we will continue to be promoted until we are unable to fulfill the needs of the last promotion. When this happens, we become frustrated, discouraged, angry, sometimes fired, and unproductive. What does this have to do with leadership in the church? Often times the same thing happens in the church. We see someone who is doing a marvelous job in a particular ministry, move them to another, perhaps more prestigious, ministry and they don’t experience the same success they had previously. Perhaps a common example is an associate pastor, youth leader or small group leader that has been very successful in their ministry and is tapped to be the Sr. Pastor. When the change takes place they do a poor job and constantly struggle with just maintaining the status quo. What happened? They stepped out of their area of giftedness and skill.

As leaders we are expected to be competent in three basic areas: dealing with people, proclamation, and production (The ability to get things done and make things happen whether numerical growth, greater financial contributions or a successful building program, for example.) Few of us, if any, are actually competent in all three areas. This lack of competency causes us to find various ways of coping with our lack: blame others, blame circumstances, avoid issues and people, keep things focused on another area so our weakness is not seen, or demonstrating a humility about our inability and doing nothing to change. This is a quick rode to major trouble in your life and in the life of those who follow you. How do we deal with this?

Recognize your call and your gifting. Yes, “you can do all things in Christ Jesus!” but it doesn’t mean you should or are able do it all. We need to know what we can do well. Where our gifting lies and what skills we have. Then we need to work within those parameters. It all comes from God. (II Cor. 3:4-5 “And such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God.”) Rightly discern you gifts and talents with the help of those you trust. Jack Miller states the following spiritual laws: Only God is God; you are not God. See the problem is we have these confused, many times. If we put these laws in the right order we will find we are much more fruitful.

Do a self-evaluation. Ask the hard questions. What can I do that nobody else can do? What are my strengths? What am I good at? Where have I seen results? What do I enjoy doing? After you have answered these questions let someone else answer them for you—being sure to have an open heart to what God might be saying. Face the weaknesses others might see in you. Some of these weaknesses you can improve on with study and work. Others are more a part of who you are and you will need to work with that limitation.

One of the keys to being a good leader is to find people who can fill-in your weaknesses and work together with them. My personal conviction is that we were never meant to work alone. Churches should be led by plural leadership where men can fill-in what others are missing. Then we build a team of real strength under the guidance of God.

Where you can find ways (study, reading, classes, etc.) to improve you skills and weakness, do so. Where you cannot, acknowledge you are in over your head, have the courage to back out and move on, becoming a better leader.

Would love to hear you comments on the following questions.

• How well do you know who you are? What have you done to find out the answer to the question?
• How would you define your strengths and weakness?
• What do you need to do to discover, more fully, who you are and what you are to do?
• Finally, what is one thing you will do this week to become more acquainted with you?

DECISIONS

Anytime we talk about leadership we need to include a discussion on decision making. Have you ever been to a restaurant with some friends? How long did it take to make a decision about what to order? This can drive me crazy. I can be just as indecisive as the next guy. There are times, though, where I decide that it is not my last meal; I am really here to talk and socialize; and it surely won't kill me (no guarantee on this last one) to just pick something. So how do we think about making decisions and the risks they invariably lead us to take?

We need to acknowledge that being a leader means making decisions. In fact this could be some of the hardest work you will ever do. It is not just THE DECISION. It is all the work it takes to get to that decision AND handling the results. Many times it is coming to the realization that there might be several right decisions and you have to choose one. God grant us mercy.

Leadership does mean moving forward. If the object of our leadership is healthy it is growing in some way. If it is growing, decisions need to be made. I can't stand over a flower plant forever without deciding it needs water to survive. If I don't water that plant it has no hope of survival. So it is with our leadership. We can't just stand back and watch life go by. We need to make decisions. They may not always be the right ones--or the best ones. But they need to be made.

One of the reasons that mission and vision is so important is that it helps us make decisions. If God has called me to make the best ice cream (simple example--but tasteful) and somebody asks if I want to make popcorn instead, I know to say NO. God called me to make ice cream. Knowing what you have been called to do and knowing how you are supposed to do it helps you make good decisions. This won't deal with every decision but it does cover some of those that can really mess up what we are doing.

Sometimes you just have to do your homework and make the best decision you can. Where should we open up a checking account? There are many options. You do your homework--interest rates, charges, policies,--and make the best decision you can. It could cause grief later but making no decision is worst.

Procrastination is a real decision killer. Decisions need to be made in a timely manner. Procrastination is, in effect, a decision (usually a bad one) to put something off, and off, and off. What this does in those who depend on us cannot be diminished. They begin to doubt our ability to lead. It also tells them that they, too, can put off their decisions (like paying the mortgage or spending time with the family). Here is an illustration from history. General George McClellan was a leader who avoided making decisions. Early in the American Civil War he was ordered by Lincoln to attack Richmond, Virginia, but he delayed. Historians speculate that if he had made an immediate decision to attack as ordered, the war could have been over in a matter of months rather than dragging on for four years.

More than likely, the majority of your decisions will be made with less than a 100% certainty. We just need to remember we are not perfect. We study, research, pray, listen, seek counsel, and then make the best decision we can with the knowledge and wisdom we have.

Remember that we don't serve alone. We need to involve appropriate others in our decision making process, but, not everyone we know. We need to involve those who have more knowledge or wisdom, those who serve along side of us, and any other appropriate people. Minor decisions should welcome the input of others as well. Much of this is determined by our attitude. What does your heart want? Are you a team player?

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Yep, some of your decisions will be wrong. Or, they won't work out as anticipated. I am pretty convinced that if we do our part, with hearts really seeking what is right, we will come out OK at the end. It may be rough going. You may learn many painful lessons. You will receive a few accolades. You will gain wisdom and strength. It is so important to acknowledge our errors and to evaluate our decisions honestly if we are to serve the people who are following us.

What are your comments?

• What is your basic decision making process?
• If someone invited you to go on a one year mission trip how would you arrive at the decision? Be honest. What are some things you should change in that process?
• Think of a bad decision you have made and explain how you could have done a better job.

THE FOUNDATION

Before we look at becoming leaders we ought to do some study on what a leader is and does. The world — business, political, church, and society — has many different types of leaders. Because we are focused on the Christian church we need to be looking at only one leader to find the foundation for what we are about. His name was Jesus. The Bible contains many references to him and we want to look at these before we begin looking at ourselves. As you work through this book some of these “pictures” will be repeated.

In Psalm 23 we find a description of a shepherd from the Old Testament. As we look at this Psalm we find that the Chief Shepherd has some responsibilities.

Psalms 23:1-6 ( NIV )
1The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
4Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,£
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

The shepherd here gives the sheep security, provision, rest/restoration, leadership, and protection. The shepherd provides an environment that is safe but not challenging. In all of his care for the sheep, the sheep still go through the “valley of the shadow of death,” they still experience discipline (“your rod and your staff comfort me”). They are found “in the presence of their enemies.”

The key for us is the love that the shepherd has for his sheep. Jesus is the Good Shepherd and we are his sheep. The pastoral scene of the shepherd and his sheep is reflected in many places in the New Testament (Mt 25:32; Mk 14:27; Jn 10:11)

In Peter 5:1-5 the shepherd motif continues.

1 Peter 5:1-5 ( ESV )
So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight,£ not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you;£ not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory. Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Peter is addressing the “elders” in the church. These are the primary leaders of the local congregation. (We will speak of them later.) Peter uses the image of the shepherd to pass on instruction to the elders of the church. Function as a shepherd. Do this willingly and watch out for them, which means not to focus on them but to keep your eyes moving around them to protect them from the enemy. This is done by example and not forcefully.

Now he gives instructions to younger “shepherds” and tells them to be humble toward one another. We, as youngers, are to submit to the shepherds over us. (not blind obedience as we will see later.) It is interesting here that we are both the sheep and the shepherd, depending on our relationship with another person.

Again in John 10: 11-18 we find more information about what it means to be a shepherd in the church (a leader by any other name).

John 10:11-18 ( ESV )
I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, 15just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep. And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd. For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life that I may take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father.”

This passage of God’s Word starts out pretty extreme. Yes, it is referring to Jesus but there is a model that is found here for leaders in general. The sheep are most important. He knows them by name and he cares for them. Leadership (shepherding) is not something that can be done from some ivory tower. We need to know our sheep—those we are responsible for and for whom we care.
The early church used the term sheepdogs to refer to church pastors. This did honor to the Lord as shepherd and the “sheepdogs” as his servants. We certainly need to understand that we are not the CHIEF Shepherd or the Lord or God. Our task though is not quite the same as a sheepdogs. We are undershepherds. Leaders who take our authority and service from the Chief Shepherd. We must always remember that each person we care for only has one God and he is not us. The thing that using “sheepdog” does is keep us humble. It helps us to keep our eyes on the true shepherd and to point our “sheep” to the true shepherd.

As we finish this chapter we need to understand that some of us are called to be pastors in a more formal or traditional way according to our gifting. That does not mean that the rest of us don’t have a responsibility to care for each other. As we read through the New Testament we find over and over the term “one another.” Regardless of your position God has called you and me to care for each other.

Shall we dance?

I've been re-reading a series of books called THE WHEEL OF TIME by Robert Jordan. Jordan passed away before he finished the last (of 12) books. Having left enough notes it is being finished by someone else and is to be publish this month or next. In preparation of reading it I thought I would go back and read the 11 books that precede it--yes, I like to read. In the books one of the nations talks of battles as "dancing."

Because doing this blog has been a battle - that I have been losing - I thought I would title this one along those lines. I would like to begin to be more regular in posting on this site. Why?

I think I have a few things that might help some people on their journey of life. For 61 years I have enjoyed the adventure of being a follower of Jesus. As with any adventure, there have been some incredible painful times, wounded times, depressing times, and questioning times. However, it would all be meaningless if it were not balance by times of great confidence and joy. In the path I have chosen I have found a friend who has never left me (hence the title of the blog) and has always been faithful, even when I have wavered.

Jesus has ever been an encourager and a friend through these many years.