What Do I Do?

I've been a pastor for over 30 years—ouch! In that time I have needed and given three different types of care; pastoral care, mentoring and coaching. Sometimes I really mix these up and I'm not really sure it makes a lot of difference. But it is good to have some clarity at the start. If you are preparing for leadership or in the midst of it, having an understanding with those you are leading helps.

Pastoral care

I would define pastoral care as the practice of looking after a person (or group) and their spiritual, personal and social well-being. The primary responsibility of the pastor of a church is to see that this is done. Many people are membered in a church and never receive this kind of care. Unfortunately, many pastors never receive this kind of care either. One of the joys of my life, as a man, husband, father and pastor is that I have had this kind of care. My pastor would sit with me on a regular basis and love me by asking me about my finances, my relationship with my wife and kids (he also asked my wife about this occasionally, keeping me honest), my ministry/church, my physical well-being, and my personal spiritual life. After 27 years, our meetings are not as frequent but the topics are the same.

Mentoring

Mentoring is a process where a more experienced colleague is chosen to pass on a particular skill to a less experienced person (my definition). Note that this is not always "older to younger." There are times when a younger person may have a skill that someone older needs, and mentoring takes place. In our discussion mentoring could take place in the areas of preaching, writing, pastoral care, or any number of different areas. Usually this is for a limited, defined time.

Coaching

Coaching (again, my definition) is the providing of guidance, feedback, and direction in response to the one you are working with at the time. The second year I was in Brazil a friend gave me a scholarship for a ministry coach for one year. On a monthly basis we would have a one hour conversation reviewing what I was doing, giving me feedback and suggestions that were very helpful to my work in Brazil. The agendas of our meetings were established by me and he then helped me think through each item. I am still using some of the skills he passed on to me.

These three often overlap and we should not get hung up on keeping them too separate. They are all needed in our lives. I want to be mature in Christ and I want those whom I have primary care for to become mature in Christ. That is going to take more than one person, more than me. Let's rejoice when others are able to impart to those we are relating to more skills and maturity. It is one kingdom.

Feel free to add your comments, definitions and experience. Here are some questions to get the "juices" flowing.

•  How have you experienced these three methods of helping other people in your own life?
  
• Think through the people who have helped you grow. Pick one of them and explain how they imparted what they had to you.
• What was you understanding of “pastor” and how has it changed as you read through this chapter?

HELPING PEOPLE TO GROW

As a budding leader, there are many things that you can do to help people move on in their relationship with the Lord. These are not given in any specific order but should become part of who you are as a leader.

• Probably one of the most important things is to get to know your people. This means much active listening. Doing so will challenge you because they will express great diversity in personality, style, and opinion. In most cases they are going to be different then you--thank the Lord. Let them do it their way, with guidance. We can never hope to help people become who God’s wants them to be without knowing who they are. 

• Asking for their opinions and interacting with them in a way that permits them to express themselves openly will build trust. Remember you are not a god. They may have some better ideas. It is always better to listen, and hear what others have to bring to the table. Let them hear your opinion as opinions and not commands. This is not an easy thing to learn. We tend to be passionate about those things that express who we are and our passion comes across, many times, as a command or decision. 

• Be supportive and helpful as they solve their own problems. You don’t have to have all of the answers in order to lead or pastor. Asking good questions (another topic/another time) rather than giving them all the answers helps people to grow from their problems far more effectively. This can be a painful process because we have to watch them go through the consequences of their decisions and conclusions. It is not a time to walk out but a time to walk beside and support. 

• Affirm and recognize their contributions. Nothing is more disheartening for someone than to do a great job and then you take the credit for it or give no recognition of a job well done. From personal experience this is incredibly important. I have great men surrounding me who have affirmed the work that I do. Feels good. 

• Provide them with educational aids and opportunities. Remember that your charge, disciples, trainees need to be continually challenged. You must let them gain insight from other resources. They may need your help in finding those resources. Point them in the right direction for research and learning. Share with them what you're reading from books, magazines, and the internet. Invite them to join you as you go to conferences. Encourage them to go to conferences that are of interest to them and to share with you about them later.

•  Build on their strengths. Help them to do what they do best, better. If needed, help them discover what it is that they do well. 

• Help them define goals that are realizable (not too small or too large but big enough that they are stretched as they reach for them) and that will build their confidence This can be big. Young leaders will often think they can do more than they can. And often they can be afraid of doing new things. Setting goals with them, encouraging them, and then congratulating them on a job well done will take them miles. 

• Learn to listen. Doing this one skill effectively not only helps you to understand your disciples but teaches them how important it is. Ask questions and then LISTEN. Do not be formulating the next question. Let their sharing guide your questions. 

FOR YOUR JOURNAL 

• How are you doing as the servant-leader?
• How are you building people?
• What are you doing to help people become better at what they are doing?
• What has been your focus in leadership--people or your ministry?
• Write down a number of ways you can increase your focus on people as you continue to lead.
• What about today? What can you do today the move yourself forward in this area? 

I hope you understand that these are not all original thoughts but the culmination of years of being under leaders who have invested in me.

Finally, share with us, in the comments, how you have experienced any of these qualities of leadership in your own lives.