What Do I Do?

I've been a pastor for over 30 years—ouch! In that time I have needed and given three different types of care; pastoral care, mentoring and coaching. Sometimes I really mix these up and I'm not really sure it makes a lot of difference. But it is good to have some clarity at the start. If you are preparing for leadership or in the midst of it, having an understanding with those you are leading helps.

Pastoral care

I would define pastoral care as the practice of looking after a person (or group) and their spiritual, personal and social well-being. The primary responsibility of the pastor of a church is to see that this is done. Many people are membered in a church and never receive this kind of care. Unfortunately, many pastors never receive this kind of care either. One of the joys of my life, as a man, husband, father and pastor is that I have had this kind of care. My pastor would sit with me on a regular basis and love me by asking me about my finances, my relationship with my wife and kids (he also asked my wife about this occasionally, keeping me honest), my ministry/church, my physical well-being, and my personal spiritual life. After 27 years, our meetings are not as frequent but the topics are the same.

Mentoring

Mentoring is a process where a more experienced colleague is chosen to pass on a particular skill to a less experienced person (my definition). Note that this is not always "older to younger." There are times when a younger person may have a skill that someone older needs, and mentoring takes place. In our discussion mentoring could take place in the areas of preaching, writing, pastoral care, or any number of different areas. Usually this is for a limited, defined time.

Coaching

Coaching (again, my definition) is the providing of guidance, feedback, and direction in response to the one you are working with at the time. The second year I was in Brazil a friend gave me a scholarship for a ministry coach for one year. On a monthly basis we would have a one hour conversation reviewing what I was doing, giving me feedback and suggestions that were very helpful to my work in Brazil. The agendas of our meetings were established by me and he then helped me think through each item. I am still using some of the skills he passed on to me.

These three often overlap and we should not get hung up on keeping them too separate. They are all needed in our lives. I want to be mature in Christ and I want those whom I have primary care for to become mature in Christ. That is going to take more than one person, more than me. Let's rejoice when others are able to impart to those we are relating to more skills and maturity. It is one kingdom.

Feel free to add your comments, definitions and experience. Here are some questions to get the "juices" flowing.

•  How have you experienced these three methods of helping other people in your own life?
  
• Think through the people who have helped you grow. Pick one of them and explain how they imparted what they had to you.
• What was you understanding of “pastor” and how has it changed as you read through this chapter?

Strengths and Weaknesses

One of the primary issues we deal with has to do with our strengths and weakness. The “Peter Principle” states that “every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.” (The Peter Principle, Lawrence Peters, 1969) Phrasing it in my own words, we will continue to be promoted until we are unable to fulfill the needs of the last promotion. When this happens, we become frustrated, discouraged, angry, sometimes fired, and unproductive. What does this have to do with leadership in the church? Often times the same thing happens in the church. We see someone who is doing a marvelous job in a particular ministry, move them to another, perhaps more prestigious, ministry and they don’t experience the same success they had previously. Perhaps a common example is an associate pastor, youth leader or small group leader that has been very successful in their ministry and is tapped to be the Sr. Pastor. When the change takes place they do a poor job and constantly struggle with just maintaining the status quo. What happened? They stepped out of their area of giftedness and skill.

As leaders we are expected to be competent in three basic areas: dealing with people, proclamation, and production (The ability to get things done and make things happen whether numerical growth, greater financial contributions or a successful building program, for example.) Few of us, if any, are actually competent in all three areas. This lack of competency causes us to find various ways of coping with our lack: blame others, blame circumstances, avoid issues and people, keep things focused on another area so our weakness is not seen, or demonstrating a humility about our inability and doing nothing to change. This is a quick rode to major trouble in your life and in the life of those who follow you. How do we deal with this?

Recognize your call and your gifting. Yes, “you can do all things in Christ Jesus!” but it doesn’t mean you should or are able do it all. We need to know what we can do well. Where our gifting lies and what skills we have. Then we need to work within those parameters. It all comes from God. (II Cor. 3:4-5 “And such confidence we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God.”) Rightly discern you gifts and talents with the help of those you trust. Jack Miller states the following spiritual laws: Only God is God; you are not God. See the problem is we have these confused, many times. If we put these laws in the right order we will find we are much more fruitful.

Do a self-evaluation. Ask the hard questions. What can I do that nobody else can do? What are my strengths? What am I good at? Where have I seen results? What do I enjoy doing? After you have answered these questions let someone else answer them for you—being sure to have an open heart to what God might be saying. Face the weaknesses others might see in you. Some of these weaknesses you can improve on with study and work. Others are more a part of who you are and you will need to work with that limitation.

One of the keys to being a good leader is to find people who can fill-in your weaknesses and work together with them. My personal conviction is that we were never meant to work alone. Churches should be led by plural leadership where men can fill-in what others are missing. Then we build a team of real strength under the guidance of God.

Where you can find ways (study, reading, classes, etc.) to improve you skills and weakness, do so. Where you cannot, acknowledge you are in over your head, have the courage to back out and move on, becoming a better leader.

Would love to hear you comments on the following questions.

• How well do you know who you are? What have you done to find out the answer to the question?
• How would you define your strengths and weakness?
• What do you need to do to discover, more fully, who you are and what you are to do?
• Finally, what is one thing you will do this week to become more acquainted with you?

LEAD CREATIVELY

As we think about leadership it becomes apparent that there are different styles of leaders/leadership. I want to offer some ideas of the different styles of leadership we can experience. Some of these overlap and you probably never use only one in a situation. Remember, we are talking about an overall style of leadership that is very different from what the business or political world shows us. We are talking about servant-leadership. Our goal is not control but release. We want to develop people is such a way that they are able to do the same for others. My "success" does not depend on my "disciples" but on their disciples. Have my disciples been able to pass on to theirs the life and style of leadership I have tried to pass on. Our life in the church is described as a body and implies that each part has a critical part to play in its life.

Some of the ways you might express your leadership follows. You will need, if you continue in leadership, to use all of them at sometime.

Hands on direct leadership: Here you accept responsibility for the task and the results. At the beginning of a training relationship this type of leadership could serve well. You've just met someone who wants to learn to be a leader. You begin by having him watch you in a specific task where you are directly responsible for the result.

Model: Perhaps this is one of the strongest training methods and one of the most dangerous. We are not perfect. We need to model our strengths as well as our weaknesses. This requires wisdom and humility. This style also requires substantial time with the trainee(s). It does not take place in a once-a-week one hour meeting. The trainee needs to see us in many various situations--and be able to talk about them later.

Partner: Here you are working together. You become an anchor or support but you do the work together, helping others develop their abilities and sharing the desired results. It is important that you don't take a "do this" approach.

Coach: You will spend time with your charges, training them in specific skills and then releasing them to use those skills in various situations without you. If you are to succeed, you will bring them back in, talk about the results and any challenges, re-teach some skills, and send them back out again.

Teach: This, perhaps, is the most abused style (along with the direct leadership). Leaders often think that their only responsibility is to present their "vast" wealth of information and then they are finished. There is a time for teaching and it is an important, necessary gift and style. But it is best used along with some of the other styles and rarely by itself. You may have a gifted teacher who speaks to your charges but you need to work with what they have learned and challenge them to apply the new knowledge so it becomes more than just information.

Advice: This should be used as doors open for the same. Giving advice when it is not asked for (please note that this does not mean a direct question but an openness to hear) can create a gulf between you and your charges. Listening and responding at the right time is critical skill to learning.

Counsel: Some may come alongside of you and need help in relating some theory to practice. They may need help in clarifying some things God is saying to them and ask for your counsel. Remember you are not God and what you can give them only comes from your life and understanding of God (limited).

Facilitate: This type of leadership is indispensable. This leader may draw up an agenda and help a group work through the agenda. Or he may just be asked to do the same from someone else’s agenda. He may lead a small group of people who have a common task and he helps to see it through to the end. This means giving up your personal agenda and beginning to work with a group in a creative process, as a servant. Often the most difficult part of this style of leadership is, not talking. Let others do it.

Observe: Hopefully as you work with your trainees you will take time to watch them in their service. Often, I would rather be part of a service and observe what is going on if I am responsible for the leader. It is a difficult position because when the "big guy" comes in they want him to teach or minister. We need to be in these meetings as members if we are going to observe our charges at work. Take time afterward to use some of the other styles to continue working with the leader.

We are called to be leader-equippers-servant. Never are we the end. We want to lead in such a way that those we lead will quickly be leading others in a way that they too will be leading others. Sometimes we need to get over ourselves and realized that Jesus is most important and we are all his body.

TO GET YOU STARTED ON COMMENTS

• What is your favorite or most used leadership style?
• What style have you been under the most?
• What do you need to do to become a better leader-equipper-servant?
• What can you do this week to move in this direction?

HELPING PEOPLE TO GROW

As a budding leader, there are many things that you can do to help people move on in their relationship with the Lord. These are not given in any specific order but should become part of who you are as a leader.

• Probably one of the most important things is to get to know your people. This means much active listening. Doing so will challenge you because they will express great diversity in personality, style, and opinion. In most cases they are going to be different then you--thank the Lord. Let them do it their way, with guidance. We can never hope to help people become who God’s wants them to be without knowing who they are. 

• Asking for their opinions and interacting with them in a way that permits them to express themselves openly will build trust. Remember you are not a god. They may have some better ideas. It is always better to listen, and hear what others have to bring to the table. Let them hear your opinion as opinions and not commands. This is not an easy thing to learn. We tend to be passionate about those things that express who we are and our passion comes across, many times, as a command or decision. 

• Be supportive and helpful as they solve their own problems. You don’t have to have all of the answers in order to lead or pastor. Asking good questions (another topic/another time) rather than giving them all the answers helps people to grow from their problems far more effectively. This can be a painful process because we have to watch them go through the consequences of their decisions and conclusions. It is not a time to walk out but a time to walk beside and support. 

• Affirm and recognize their contributions. Nothing is more disheartening for someone than to do a great job and then you take the credit for it or give no recognition of a job well done. From personal experience this is incredibly important. I have great men surrounding me who have affirmed the work that I do. Feels good. 

• Provide them with educational aids and opportunities. Remember that your charge, disciples, trainees need to be continually challenged. You must let them gain insight from other resources. They may need your help in finding those resources. Point them in the right direction for research and learning. Share with them what you're reading from books, magazines, and the internet. Invite them to join you as you go to conferences. Encourage them to go to conferences that are of interest to them and to share with you about them later.

•  Build on their strengths. Help them to do what they do best, better. If needed, help them discover what it is that they do well. 

• Help them define goals that are realizable (not too small or too large but big enough that they are stretched as they reach for them) and that will build their confidence This can be big. Young leaders will often think they can do more than they can. And often they can be afraid of doing new things. Setting goals with them, encouraging them, and then congratulating them on a job well done will take them miles. 

• Learn to listen. Doing this one skill effectively not only helps you to understand your disciples but teaches them how important it is. Ask questions and then LISTEN. Do not be formulating the next question. Let their sharing guide your questions. 

FOR YOUR JOURNAL 

• How are you doing as the servant-leader?
• How are you building people?
• What are you doing to help people become better at what they are doing?
• What has been your focus in leadership--people or your ministry?
• Write down a number of ways you can increase your focus on people as you continue to lead.
• What about today? What can you do today the move yourself forward in this area? 

I hope you understand that these are not all original thoughts but the culmination of years of being under leaders who have invested in me.

Finally, share with us, in the comments, how you have experienced any of these qualities of leadership in your own lives.